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Duality

Sometimes my mind feels like it’s breaking in two, It’s battling all the trauma it’s been put through, An almost schizophrenic split of personality, My brain is a quandary a total dichotomy. One side of me is battling to be free, The other half is a total catastrophe, I fight with myself almost every day, […]

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Breaking Free

A spark of hope has been reignited within me, The fighter inside has awoken and is free, He has smashed his chains, his courage resurrected, All that he needed was some encouragement, to feel accepted. That he wasn’t all alone in the long war, He beats on his chest & let’s out a roar, He […]

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Forever Friends

I’m so sorry that I upset you so much, I wish I could give you just a gentle touch, Just a gentle hug to say I’m truly sorry, Now I am just full of anxiety and worry. I didn’t mean to hurt you in any way, I’m trying to find the words to say, That […]

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Screaming Silence

When will this aching in my heart cease? When will the pounding in my aching head leave? When will I feel safe once again? When will I no longer have to pretend? Why must I always hide this pain with a smile, Why do I always feel on the verge of crying? Why must I […]

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Finally free?

People often wonder how it is that I cope? How I cope feeling so isolated and alone, The only thing that gets me through, Is keeping myself busy with things to do. You can’t imagine the things that run through my head, Am I better off alone or better off dead? My mind it works […]

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Desires

Everyone has their own hopes and desires, Some people merely crave lots of money, It twists and contorts them into liars, Lack of money can leave you deep in the mire. So many people are motivated by sex, They don’t care who’s feelings they hurt, Sleep with someone and dump them by text, I hope […]

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Pushing You Away

It may seem like I am pushing you away, What I want deep in my heart is for you to stay, I want to feel loved and want to feel accepted, My walls come up and then I feel rejected. You ask if you can come round my house, You won’t hear a peep from […]

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If Only

If only I could take a holiday from my mind, If only I could stop these thoughts so unkind, If only I could stop this blind self hatred, If only I could stop wishing I’m better off dead. If only this abuse hadn’t happened to me, If only that had happened I’d be ok maybe? […]

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Girl Power

    Written for Dayofthegirl A girl should be able to do anything her heart desires, With this poem I want to instill hope and inspire, I am a man that much is true, Please believe me that I’m no different from you. We need to empower women across the globe, To do what they […]

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Rebuilding

Sometime you may feel small and insignificant, I just want you to know to me you are all magnificent, You are capable of all the glory in the world. Please take this little wisdom pearl. I know sometimes life can be so trying, When deep inside it feels like you are dying, All I can […]

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Buckled Under Pressure

I think the time has come to hang up my stetson, One thing in life I never meant to do was upset someone, Sometimes I say some things without thinking, I get this feeling that my heart is sinking. My views are simply that my own opinion, Under the surface my anxiety is bubbling, I […]

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Seven

There are seven deadly sins, Done to ourselves or to our kin, There are those consumed by greed, Always biting the hand that feeds. Sloth and Gluttony seen in many, Betrayed by the size of their belly, One sin that is seen in us all, Pride but it often comes before a fall. Murder is […]

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Black Dog

I believe I just found my first ever poem. Well first poem that was put into computer anyway. Enjoy or not considering the subject matter think this was early 20s maybe earlier. The life is being sucked from me A mask hides my true emotions If only they knew The darkness that pervades my every […]

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Catfish

This is about a very brief stint I spent on an online dating site(3 days) a while ago so therefore was written a while ago just decided to publish it now. Everyone is looking for the love of their life, Wants to settle down with a husband or wife, Will I find what I want […]

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Sold Down the River

Self service checkouts are all spiralling, Now you can even scan all items you are acquiring, No need for any human being for help, Just grab what you need off the shelf. Finish up your shopping and then scan, This is merely playing into corporations hands, So they can replace the jobs of people on […]

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Pure Hatred

I hate you with every fibre of my being, All the misery of which you keep bringing, If only you were a tangible thing, I’d cut you down with one fatal swing. You have brought me nothing but heartache and misery, Your presence to me has always been a mystery, One day we will eradicate […]

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Untethered

How would we all do without social media? How did we cope before Wikipedia? Remember when we used to talk to each other? Remember when we used to respect one another? Remember when we didn’t have a phone glued to us, Back then it never seemed like such a fuss, A less complicated period of […]

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Final Chapter

Before you read this I just want to point out I wrote this the other day and it was how I was feeling at that moment in time. I wasn’t going to publish it as I didn’t want to seem an attention seeker.    Knowing what I know now in life, I’m ready to make […]

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The Demon Within (Anxiety)

A friend asks me if I want to go out, Yes yes inside my head I shout! Oh but what if this happens says my brain, Do you really want to go through that again? Is that really a rational thought I ask? What if I panic and lose my mask? They will think I’m […]

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Unfollowed

Usually I wouldn’t let this get to me, With no explanation for me to see, We’ve sent kind words across the ocean, She has been there for me through all this commotion. Now I have been dropped just like a hat, What exactly am I supposed to do with that? Could you at least not […]

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Game Over

The best thing about feeling close to the end, Is you no longer have to live up to false pretences, All of your old desires are now dead, All that’s left a nagging voice in your head. You come to accept that your soul has died, To a body for some reason your thoughts still […]

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Treading Water

So I try to keep my head from dipping under, Will I survive this time I cautiously wonder, I feel like I’m slowly starting to sink, I feel like blotting all this out with a drink. All my life I have had this sinking feeling, With all the emotions in which I’m dealing, So I […]

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Rhyme Time

I don’t know why but I like to rhyme, I try not to but it happens every time, Always a rhyme in every line, But that suits me just fine. I tried to write some prose, But the same problem arose, The rhyming goes and goes, From my brain it flows. It may make the […]

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A Missing Piece

It’s easy to look back on your life and think you failed, Stop judging yourself you are not in jail, You haven’t done anything wrong at all, You have come to far now just to fall. People can and will make huge mistakes, My point is that you refused to let yourself break, You may […]

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Dead and Dirty (Trigger)

I was inspired to write this yesterday but got so upset that I just couldn’t finish it until today. I’m uploading it now to show that things do go up and down with my diagnosis I have good days and days. Yesterday was a bad day and it has nothing to do with what anyone […]

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My ‘Friend’ Pam

Inside my mind is slowly breaking, My chest and muscles constantly aching, My body slowly breaking down, I shudder at the faintest sound. Those whites and yellows seemed such a boon, Didn’t think they could cause so much gloom, If only it were possible to turn back time, Now I might be feeling well and […]

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Damaged but not Broken

I never expected someone to help me so much, In this department I’ve never had much luck, I’m not sure I would be here if it wasn’t for them, They truly are an amazing friend. I just wanted to write this to say thanks, For being so open honest and Frank, I never thought anyone […]

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My Crazy Life

I had been asked to write a piece on myself and my diagnosis and have received no reply if there’s spelling mistakes I do apologise. This is my first non poetry blog and probably my last all for one reason World Suicide Prevention Day. I was diagnosed with C-PTSD a while ago. For anyone who […]

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Blocked?

Imagine if you could block someone in real life, Ignore anyone that causes you any strife, Just how far though would you go? Wouldn’t you merely be allowing your bias grow? You would end up trapped in an isolated bubble, Yes you may find your life not so much a struggle, But your view of […]

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Trapped Inside My Head

Sometimes I seem like I don’t care, Caught in a trance,a vacant stare, I want you to know I’m not ignoring you, So many things my minds running through. The world sometimes passes me by, I really am an okay guy, I just don’t know how to deal with stress, Thoughts jumbled heads a mess. […]

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Empathy Dichotomy

Is it a bad thing for me to care? Is it bad that I can’t just stand and stare? If I feel someone is in emotional pain, Even though I have absolutely nothing to gain. I cannot simply watch them suffer, Watch their lives fall into the gutter, It’s just not me I cannot stand […]

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Slowly dying

It’s back again that crushing self doubt, I really do not know what life is about, Depression looms large over me like a cloud, Like a sick, infected, intoxicating shroud. I don’t know what to do anymore, I am still alive but can someone tell me what for? What is the point or trying to […]

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Moving on

Every second of every day I think of you, Just thinking and wondering what is she up to? Wishing I was there to help her wash away the tears, To peel back all the hurt she’s endured through the years. To hold her close to me and make her feel safe, My love for her […]

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Web of Deceit

Be careful who you give away your heart, They can so very easily tear it apart, You thought you knew them so well, Transfixed by their alluring spell. You start to wonder what you did wrong, Now out of your life they are gone, For months of your life they tricked you, Into thinking that […]

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Post Mortem

My body feels drained of energy, I feel the life being pulled out of me, Something is wrong I don’t know what, Maybe this is it its all I’ve got. I’m not sure what is around the corner, Maybe some new kind of trauma, I’m not sure if this is a test, Or if it’s […]

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Who Am I?

What do you see when you look at me? A man who is trying to live desperately? Do you see a man with no direction? A cold man who is not capable or affection? It’s hard to let someone know the real you, To let them in is such a hard thing to do, When […]

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Family Values

I have never ever really been able to feel, I’ve always felt like I’ve never been in control, Even as a very small child I felt this way, I didn’t even know what it meant to be gay. I didn’t want those things to happen, Into my adult life has followed the sadness, Always feeling […]

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Narcissist’s Spell

I’ll never forget the way she made me feel, Any joy from my life she would steal, She could see me coming from a mile, Her crooked ways covered by a wry smile. At first she seemed perfectly nice, Nearly all my friends i sacrificed, Just to keep her happy and content, For a short […]

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King of Over Thinking

I often sit my mind going a million miles an hour, I try to stop but feel I don’t have the power, So many different things to worry about, Deafeaning voices in my head they shout. My brain it just goes and goes it will not rest, I try to slow it down I try […]

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The Great Pretender (Anxiety)

What do you think when I say I suffer from anxiety? Do you think because I cannot work I have it easy? Every single day for me is a constant battle, Sometimes it feels like I’m doing my death rattle. The things that you may take fore granted, Seeds of doubt in my mind are […]

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Depression is not a Choice

I cannot help suffering from depression, It has learnt me very many a harsh lesson, It leaves me feeling like a beaten man, A thoroughly beaten man I can’t stand. Last night I was called a soft c#nt, Because for a split second I let slip the front, That not all is well in my […]

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Compassion Is Dead

It is a sad world when a good deed, Is met by suspicion and fear, Being nice to a total stranger, They cower in fear as if in danger. Just because of the clothes I wear, They think that I must not care, Just because I have a hood, I must be up to no […]

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Videogames are Evil?

What do you do to unwind from the day? Do you find yourself with a can of beer? For me it’s a video game I like to play, Nothing to me makes me feel freer. When you play a game it transports you. To another world that you aren’t in, For me my anxiety it […]

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When the World Goes Away

As you can probably tell this is an old poem I have found its that old I haven’t drank for 3 years so…. Don’t worry. Here’s the poem I am a scourge a stain on society, Can’t cope with a life of sobriety, I look forward to the day, When the world goes away. A […]

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The world’s a Stage

For some of us we are the best actors ever, Always able to somehow hold it together, Even when in the greatest Pain, We grit our teeth and smile again and again. You could never tell someone is suicidal, That their thoughts are so final, They could be planning what to do, To stop themselves […]

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4 more years…..

The three lions may be out in the semis, But everyone expected us to be out already, The lads did the whole nation proud, They deserve all their names shouted aloud. When they return back from Russia, With pride my heart will be gushing, They are all worthy of hero status, For the experience that […]

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